The Reduction of Helen Magnus
by CSI1983
Summary: In the wake of a new abnormal, Helen realizes she not dealing with things as well as she first thought
1. Chapter 1

The Reduction of Helen Magnus

Chapter One - Runaway

Helen Magnus was dying for a cup of tea. Unfortunately the paper work in front of her kept distracting her from her goal. She would think of it, think about finishing the file in front of her then have a tea. Except, the next file will take her focus, then the whole process would begin again. A knock on her door snapped her back to attention and she smiled as Will walked in, tea cup in hand.

"Will, perfect timing"

Will returned her smile, placing the tea carefully on her desk.

"I figured you were due. Oh and Big-guy gave me these for you too. Favourite cookie I believe"

The ginger bread smelled fantastic, making her stomach rumble. She sipped at the tea gratefully before nibbling on the cookie.

"So Will, what's your plan for the day?'

Will sat in the chair across from her, crossing his legs and producing a file, sliding it across the desk.

"New abnormal that we need to track."

"Specifics?"

"Names James Finker. According to our sources, this guy has incredible speed and a habit of shedding his skin"

"Is he a threat?"

"Not on a larger scale. He's a human cross breed so he blends in fine. Our concern is that he's getting mixed up with some bad crowds. He's got a super-speed metabolism, he gets wounded he's healed within 24-48 hours. My concern is his safety. This guy is a huge bonus for most gangs and illegal trading. He can't get hurt, not permanently anyway. I just want to see if we can offer some help, some shelter for him, get him on the right track."

"How old is he?"

"Not certain, 20 at most. Still enough time to change old habits"

Helen nodded and flicked through the file. They didn't have much information, no picture but they had worked with less before.

"Take the proper precautions Will. We don't know enough to assume anything"

"Yeah I know. Kate and Henry are coming with me and the Big-guy will be keeping track here"

"Good. Be careful"

Will stood and flashed her another smile.

"Always"

Helen watching him leave before turning her attention back to the file, wondering, not for the first time, if the work ever was really done.

* * *

><p>Will hated sitting doing nothing. Kate moved impatiently beside him and Henry was humming tunelessly in the back. Will knew that Henry would never complain, he loved being out in the field. Kate on the other hand passed a comment every few minutes, impatient for action.<p>

"I hope your source was a good one"

Kate glanced at him doubtfully.

"He is. We just need to be patient"

"Not my strong point"

"I know."

Kate gave him a small smile before directing her attention back to the old building that half stood, half crumpled on the far side of the road.

"Did you notice the name of the street?"

"Yeah Elm"

"Funny, right?"

"If you say so"

Kate rolled her eyes and kept looking through the binoculars. Henry's humming stopped suddenly and he popped through the back.

"Someone's coming. A young woman by the looks of it. And she's moving fast"

Will watched the street closely and it was only with effort that he saw the blur of movement going into the building. It was too fast to get a form or an identity.

"That's the abnormal. A woman apparently"

"Are we going to go in?"

"Yeah but keep alert. We don't know enough to take any stupid risks. Henry, I need you to stay here, keep an eye out."

"Will do. Good luck"

Will and Kate got their weapons ready. Will had made sure that they had both the stunners and standard guns. They slipped from the van and made a move for the building, Will trying to take in his surroundings and keeping an eye out for the abnormal. They moved deeper into the building with Will leading the way. They finally made it to a wider space and Will pulled Kate to stop when their abnormal finally came into view. She was fairly young as far as Will could tell. Her physicality was lost in a blur. She was eating with such a speed and ferocity that Will couldn't make out the food that was entering her mouth.

"Wow."

Kate's voice was low in his ear.

"Speed on all fronts"

"She has to eat every two hours or more because her metabolism is so fast. She needs to refuel."

The abnormal paused and looked carefully around her. She moved quickly and she suddenly had a gun in her hand. She moved again and Will found himself at the other end of the gun, the abnormal giving him a small smile. James was pretty, with wide blue eyes and dark hair that dangled from a ponytail down to her waist. Her face was hard as she glanced at Kate.

"Put your gun down"

Kate hesitated a second before placing her gun on the floor, hands up.

"Stand up, both of you"

They did as James said, the gun steadily pointed at Will's head.

"Who are you with?"

Will glanced at Kate before looking at James.

"We are from The Sanctuary"

James studied them.

"I don't believe you. Which gang are you with?"

"We're not with any gang"

"What have they told you to offer me this time? Money? Power? Well you can tell your bosses to leave me alone. I'm not interested"

Will shifted slightly, hands still up.

"James, we just want to help you, that's why we are here"

James scoffed, the sound echoing loudly off the walls.

"To help me? I don't need help. I just need your people to leave me alone. I'm sick to death of being head hunted. I'm not for sale."

Will lowered his voice.

"So you are head hunted are you? For your gifts I'm guessing. You're fast and you heal. You would be worth a lot for anyone"

James narrowed her eyes at Will.

"How do you know about me?"

"I told you we are from The Sanctuary. We just want to help"

"You need to leave me alone"

Will moved again slowly, trying to get a little closer, to gain her trust. She was scared and he could almost taste the fear coming off her.

"James, we are here to offer you safety"

"You can't do that. The only way for me to keep safe is to keep moving, to stay under the radar. It makes me unhappy that you managed to find me so quickly"

Will felt Kate move behind him and he grabbed her arm, trying to keep her still. Kate didn't like being threatened.

"Kate…"

James flicked her attention to Kate, the gun shifting from Will to her. Kate growled low in her chest.

"You need to listen to us. If you're not safe, if people are after you, we can protect you"

James frowned.

"No you can't."

"Yes we can."

James readjusted her grip on the gun.

"You need to leave."

Will shook his head.

"No. We want to help"

James pointed the gun squarely at Will's chest.

"Then you die"

Kate moved quickly, shooting James with the stunner that she had hidden down her back. James went down heavily, the gun going off, clipping Will in the shoulder. Kate stepped forward and cuffed James before turning her attention back to Will, who was nursing his bleeding shoulder. She kneeled beside him, looking at the wound, a small smile on her face.

"That went well, didn't it?"

* * *

><p>Helen waited for the sedative to wear off, surprised that it had even lasted this long. After all with a metabolism that worked that quickly, it should have burnt off hours ago. Perhaps she had overdone the dose. Either way, James was still out for the moment. Helen sighed and made her way to the sick bay where Will's wound was being dressed. He was fidgeting under Kate's careful hands.<p>

"It's a flesh wound Kate, I'm fine"

Kate pressed a little harder on the dressing, setting it in place.

"Yeah until you get an infection. Suck it up"

Will glanced at Helen.

"Is she ok? Has she woken up yet?"

Helen shook her head.

"She's still out. She'll be fine Will."

Will shook his head.

"It didn't need to go down like that. She should have come with us, not be taken"

Kate threw Will a dark look.

"She was going to kill us."

"She wouldn't of"

Kate threw together the bloodied cloths. Muttering under her breath.

"Thanks for saving my life Kate. You didn't have to put your ass on the line like that"

Will sighed and turned back to Kate.

"Thank you for saving my life"

"You're welcome"

Helen waited as he pulled on a clean shirt before they moved back to where James was being held. She was awake now, crouched in the further rest corner of the cell. She was panting heavily, eyes wide and panicked, always moving as she looked for an escape.

"James"

James looked at them, her eyes narrowing.

"What do you want from me?"

Helen held up her hand as Will made a move to speak. The exchanged a quick glance before Helen stepped forward.

"We don't wish to harm you"

James scoffed.

"Everybody says that just before they threaten you. Haven't you ever seen a movie?"

Helen smiled slightly.

"Not out of habit no. I occasionally catch small details as I walk through the living room but other then that, no"

James frowned at Helen, her eyes flicking to Will.

"Is she for real?"

Will nodded and James offered them both a doubtful grimace.

"Glad to see I'm not the only weirdo. But I still don't believe that you are here to help me"

Helen studied James before finally speaking.

"Do you know who I am James?"

James looked Helen up and down before shaking her head.

"No"

Helen offered James a wide smile, dimples and all.

"I'm Helen Magnus"

James eyes widened and she glanced at Will again, repeating her previous question.

"Is she for real?"

"As real as it gets. I told you we were from The Sanctuary"

James studied Helen again and Will could almost see the respect overriding the fear and doubt.

"I've heard of you. The gangs, they fear you. They pretend not to but they do."

Helen nodded slightly.

"Good to know that my reputation proceeds me"

Will could see the young girl physically start to relax, her shoulders losing the tension, her body starting to loosen.

"So you really don't want to hurt me?"

"No I don't James. I want to let you out of the cell but you need to promise me that you will give me ten minutes before you decide what you want to do. You also need to promise not to hurt my people."

James studied them both for a good two minutes before nodding slightly.

"Fine, I agree. But you need to promise me that I am not a prisoner here. I want the freedom to leave"

"Of course you have the freedom to leave James. I mean you no harm. If you have indeed heard of me then you should know that I don't hurt people unless they first hurt or threaten me or my people"

Helen pressed the button and the door slid open easily. It only took a moment for James to decide but then she moved out of the cell, in normal speed, coming to stand beside Helen. Neither of them had noticed Big-guy slip behind them silently. He grunted loudly and James almost leapt from her skin, she was behind Big-guy before Will could blink, a gun to his head. It only took Will a second to realize that the gun had come from Helen, the one that she always carried with her. Big-guy made no effort as he flipped James over his shoulder, disarming her and disabling her in the same second. He had he pinned to the ground.

"Let her go, she's fine"

Big-guy didn't hesitate, instantly releasing the young girl. James was on her feet in the same second. Her eyes wide, breathing hard.

"Who-what-"

"He's a friend. He means you no harm."

James panted heavily, her shoulders still tight as she eyed Big-guy suspiciously. Helen placed a hand on James's elbow, gently pulling her forward.

"Come along, we have much to discuss."


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter Two - Rebel Yell

Helen watched the young girl in front her sip the tea and look around her office. Helen was always surprised to see young abnormals survive the way that they so often did. Most normal people would have given up but they continued to hang onto life with a stubbornness that she had come to associate with the unique individuals the she worked with.

"So James, that's an unusual name"

James nodded as she nibbled at a cookie.

"My parents had a sense of humour. Until they realized what I was anyway"

Helen raised an eyebrow.

"So tell me your story James"

James lowered her tea cup, placing it back on the saucer and onto the desk, looking into the fire.

"The speed didn't come until later, when I hit puberty. The healing has always been there as has the shedding. The first time it happened, my parents freaked out. The first ten years of my life was my parents dragging me from specialist to specialist, wanting this "issue" to be resolved. By then I knew that there was no issue, that it was me, part of who I am. Just like my brown hair and blue eyes."

"How does it happen, the shedding?"

James glanced around the office, peering into the corners.

"Are we alone? I mean camera wise"

Helen taped a few keys on her computer, putting a temporary stop on her camera's, her walkie in hand.

"We are now. Why?"

"I can show you the shedding. I can feel it coming"

"How do you know?"

"Everything feels to loose. My face is the last to go, so no one sees it until the very end."

The buzz of the walkie got both of their attentions.

"_Hey Doc, you ok in there? Camera's gone cold"_

Helen smiled at James.

"_Yes Henry I'm fine. James just needed some privacy to show me something. If I'm not back in thirty minutes, then you can worry"_

"_Ok Doc…._

Helen put her walkie back on the table and within a blink of an eye James stood naked before her. Helen could almost see the shifting of the skin as she moved. The old skin stood out chalk white against the pale pink that could barely be seen beneath it. James shuddered slightly and Helen could see a narrow tear beginning on the young girls chest and gradually moving along her body. Helen watched as the girl shifted and moved until she had separated herself completely from the shell of old skin, a perfect imprint of herself. The skin beneath, as Helen had glanced, was a perfect, pale and healthy pink. Her skin was absolutely flawless. Helen watched silently as James once again got dressed in a blink of an eye, faster then Helen's normally astute gaze could catch. Helen moved out her seat and went towards the shell while James watched calmly, sipping her tea.

"You know what? I've only done that in front of one other person. You definitely reacted better then they did"

"Who did you shed in front of?"

"My mother"

Helen nodded slightly, her fingers gently and lightly touching the shell. The skin was soft to touch and held it's shape beneath her careful examination .

"So James, if you don't mind me asking, where are your parents?"

James shrugged.

"I don't know. I ran away from home when the speed set in, when I was 13. I haven't heard anything from them since."

Helen nodded slightly.

"So how did you hear about me? Just through the gangs?"

James shook her head.

"I got involved in some gangs for a few years and a man by the name of Patrice Morgan helped me get out. He mentioned you a few times but I always thought that you dealt with monsters, nothing more."

"You know Patrice? He's one of my oldest friends"

"Well then now I know why he kept mentioning you. I check in with him about once a week, he helps me out where he can."

"But you still don't feel safe, do you?"

James shook her head and lowered her teacup onto the table, shifting in her seat.

"I never have. I fell into a gang when I first ran away from home and it was just some silly small time gang either, this was a big time player. When they discovered what I could do, I was loaned out gang to gang, doing whatever they needed. Things got bad. I was doing drugs, hard ones, trying to get them to stay in my system, which never worked. I did so many things I am ashamed of. Then one day, the leader of my gang Marcus decided that he wanted me for himself"

Helen swallowed heavily.

"He tried to rape you?"

"Tried but failed. Badly. I left him with a cracked skull and two broken arms. I left after that and the gang has been after me ever since. It comes and goes in waves. Sometimes I can go a good six months without hearing anything and then suddenly they find me. Or I can see them all the time. Either way, Marcus is out to get me. He wants his investment back."

Helen moved closer to James, taking the seat across from her, placing a careful hand over hers.

"We can protect you."

James shrugged slightly.

"I don't believe that anymore. Marcus is determined to get me. And I've seen him at work. What he wants, he takes. Regardless of the consequences. "

Helen shook her head.

"Well that's where The Sanctuary is different. You are under my protection. So I have a proposition for you"

James didn't comment, just raised her eyebrows and waited for Helen to continue.

"You stay here. Even if only to rest up and for me to do a little research on your gifts."

James studied Helen hard.

"I don't have much of a choice do I? It would be nice to have a roof over my head. Somewhere warm at least."

Helen nodded.

"I'll have a room set up for you"

James offered Helen a small smile.

"Thank you. Patrice is the only one who has showed me any kindness over the years. It feels a little strange.

Helen stood and made a small sweep with her arm.

"Welcome to The Sanctuary. Finish your tea and I'll introduce you to the team properly."

* * *

><p>Henry was busy playing with his computer when Helen and James walked in.<p>

"Henry, this is James. She'll be staying with us for a little while"

Henry glanced up from his screen, smiling widely.

"Nice to see that you are finally awake"

James offered Henry a smile before glancing at the computer.

"What are you doing?"

Henry glanced back down at his work.

"I'm rewiring our network"

"Why?"

Henry glanced over his shoulder at Helen before lowering his voice to James.

"So that we can get faster internet access and I can get better cheat sheets for my games. But I left some of my tools in my office"

James nodded.

"Where is your office?"

Henry pointed out one of the side doors.

"Down the hall to the end, down the lift then first door on the left."

"Are you tools in a case?"

"Big black one"

James nodded once and was gone. Within three seconds she was back again, case in hand. She handed it to Henry.

"There you go"

Henry looked at Helen.

"Can we keep her around Doc? She could be useful"

* * *

><p>Days turned to weeks and weeks into months, slipping past effortlessly. James soon became part of The Sanctuary day to day running and it was as if she had always been there. James was constantly busy with Henry. She had missed out so much with her leaving home and schooling was one of them. After James had shown an interest in Henry's gadgets, he had taken her under his wing and now they spent hours together, taking things apart and putting them back together. She was a quick study and soon Helen found herself working on small programs on her computer that were designed by James herself and armed with new weapons that she was given with great pride. Henry, usually alone in his excitement over technology and new toys was absolutely thrilled to have his own version of a protégée. Nothing had really changed with the new addition. In fact with the young girl around the house it felt more and more like home. James had bought a new life into the house that had been absent since Ashley's death. Helen would often find herself walking in on fighting matches between Kate, James and the Big-guy. Or see James and Kate trading stories over their similar histories. And she was always playing loud music, always late for dinner, distracted by whatever Henry was working on next. There was a new flavour to the house, to the regular routine that could only stem from having young blood within it's walls.<p>

Things changed once again one Monday morning when James came into the office, her voice rushed, her face worried, the front of her shirt covered in blood.

"Doc, we need some help, quickly. Please."

Helen dropped her pen and slipped out from her desk, running as fast as she could behind James, who had kindly cut her speed in half so that Helen would have a chance to follow. She soon found herself in the lab where she slowed to take in the situation before her. The sounds gave it away before anything else. A high pitched keening, combined with small yelps of terror and pain broke the bustle of the others around the patient. Helen moved closer, surprised to see a dog on her table. He was large, with a broad black head, big white paws and soft brown eyes. The amount of blood that he was covered in made Helen shift to doctors mode. The questions could wait. The dog had been beaten badly and it took several hours for her and Big-guy to stitch and clean every wound. But he was in a stable condition when they put him in the Big-guys room in a cage that was warm and dark. Since the dog had seemed to take a liking to him, Helen decided that for the moment he would be the dog's carer. When she returned to her office, tired with aching feet, James was waiting for her.

"His name is Wolverine"

She offered Helen a small smile.

"I like X-men."

Helen moved closer to the girl.

"How do you know him? Is he yours?"

"No, he's a stray. He sort of adopted me a few months ago before you found me. I've been feeding him everyday. I went out to see him again, same as I always do and found him like that. Marcus had got to him. I know it. He said he would kill everything I loved and Wolverine is pretty much it."

Helen took the girls hand in hers.

"He's going to be fine. He'll be sore for a while but otherwise he will be fine."

"He's my best friend. He's a stray like me"

"Why didn't you tell us? He could have come here with you"

"I didn't know if you would take me in with him. At least I knew he was safe and I could provide him with food. But now he's hurt. Because of me"

Helen shook her head.

"He's safe. Like you. Because of you. He's with the Big-guy if you wanted to check in on him. He's going to be out for a while but I promise he'll make a full recovery"

James paused at the door for a moment before moving quickly and wrapping her arms around Helen in a tight hug. It surprised her and Helen took a moment to remember how to react. She placed her arms gently around James and pulled her close. Helen felt the tears come as she breathed in the familiar soap and shampoo scent that reminded her of Ashley, the faint childish smell of crayons and felt-tips that lingered in a bizarre way. She closed her eyes and for a moment she was holding Ashley again, her hair tickling her nose, her skin soft and familiar against her own.

"Thanks Doc. For everything"

James pulled away and was gone in a blink, her urgency increasing her already incredible speed. Helen stood and tried to compose herself, pushing the tears off her cheeks with impatient fingers. James was not Ashley and Ashley was not James. It was ridiculous that she had even let herself think that way, even if it was for a brief moment.

"I almost got run over by James on my way to see you"

Helen offered Will a quick smile before turning her back, using the movement to her desk as an excuse to compose herself. By the time she sat down, she was herself again, the Ashley box firmly closed.

"She was incredibly eager to visit Wolverine"

"She mentioned that she liked X-Men."

Helen shook her head.

"I'm not even going to ask"

Will laughed lightly.

"So is he staying here?"

"Sanctuary for all Will, remember? James has lost so much and missed out on so many things that I hardly want to take away the one thing that obviously means something to her. As long as Wolverine behaves himself, then he's welcome."

Will nodded.

"Big-guy has taken a shining to him. Wolverine seems to like him too. They were having a lovely conversation when I left them last."

Helen smiled softly.

"I often find that the biggest creatures seem to have the biggest hearts and capabilities for kindness."

"Seems that way doesn't it? I have a question for you Doc"

Helen raised an eyebrow.

"And that would be?'

Will studied her carefully before speaking.

"This is hard on you, isn't it? I mean with James being here"

Helen offered him a smile.

"No, of course not."

"You've been crying."

Helen sighed. She knew better then to try and hide things from Will. He noticed things and saw through the lies that normal people would not.

"Ashley wanted a dog but I always said no. There are so many things that I said no too that I wish I hadn't."

"You can't live like that Magnus."

Helen glanced down at her desk.

"I miss her everyday."

Will moved closer to her and placed an hand on her shoulder and she appreciated the act of comfort.

"She loved you. We all miss her too but there is no one to blame but them."

"No Will, I've had more then enough time to think things over. Ashley would never had been killed if she had been safe from this world. What I exposed her to killed her."

"Magnus you can't believe-"

"Yes I do. I am to blame for my own daughters death and I have to live with that for the rest of my life, however long that is. Having James here reminds me of how alive my home once was. Before James, after Ashley it seemed hollow. Now, it's like she never left."

"You aren't to blame."

Helen smiled gently at Will

"Yes I am. And that's ok. I've accepted that what I do killed the one person that mattered more to me then anything else in the world."

The silence fell heavy and constricting. Helen could feel Will's eyes studying her but she avoided his gaze. She knew the reality, knew the truth and she didn't want or need him to talk her out of anything. There was nothing to be done or said. The truth, though it hurt like salt on an open would was just that; the truth.

"Can you do me a favour? Check on Wolverine for me? I wanted to go to bed soon and I just wanted to make sure that he's settled for the evening."

Will nodded and left the room, the concern fresh. It must be bad if the only person who hardly ever slept wanted to go to bed before everyone else.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter Three - Rescue Me

Helen Magnus rarely slept but it hadn't always been that way. There had once been a time where sleep was something that come easily to her. It was a place where she solved problems, found solutions in her subconscious. But those were happier times. Those were times before all the research had turned the only man that had ever loved into a stranger, an abomination. Back then when she had trouble sleeping, John was there. They would lay on the bed and he would talk. His slow, deep voice would help her drift off, completely at peace and safe. He couldn't do that anymore, had not done that for years. She had have used that as the first clue, the first hint that something had shifted and changed within him. Why didn't she see the shift that had taken place? Perhaps because the change had happened so slowly that by the time she realized that her John had gone it was too late. Anyway in that moment, she just needed to escape and sleep was the perfect excuse. She just needed to flee Will's penetrating gaze and the suffocation that it came with it. She paced the floor in a set of silk pyjama's who's origins she had long since forgotten. The robe bumped softly against her leg with each turn, setting a rhythm of sorts. She nursed a tea that had long gone cold and tired to convince herself that bed was were she needed to be. She moved into the bathroom and washed her hands, something to do. The cool water felt good on her hands, so she shifted the water up her arms and when that felt good as well, she decided on a shower. She set the water as hot as her skin could stand and stood under the hot spray, trying to stop thinking - and failing. Each memory struck like a bullet, making her physically wince.

_The day Ashley was born and knowing her name before she was even in the world._

She had agonised for months over the perfect name. She couldn't remember why Ashley appealed to her but it ended un suiting her daughter down to the ground.

_The first time Ashley fell and hurt herself._

Being as logical as she was, she honestly thought that watching Ashley hurt herself would not be easy but just part of being a parent. She was wrong. She felt ever single bump, scrap and bruise that Ashley collected over the years, even if she didn't always show it. She carried the same physical scars as her daughter. She tried her hardest to make sure that when Ashley got hurt that she didn't act like it was the end of the world. A band-aid, a kiss and then back to doing whatever had caught her daughters attention in the first place.

_The Mother's Day card's that showed up without fail every year, each hand made._

She kept them in a box in the top of her wardrobe. And it had been the most painful thing when they stopped being the highlight of the day.

_The first time she introduced Ashley to an abnormal._

Big-guy was technically the first but he had been there since Ashley's birth, so he didn't seem so unusual to her. It was the ease in which she accepted the other abnormals that made Magnus both proud and horrified at the same time. All things considered, she should never have been surprised.

_Her habit of second guessing everything that she was told._

Helen was immensely proud of Ashley's ability to think for herself but she also knew that it was a habit that cost her daughter dearly.

_Telling Ashley her father was dead rather then the real Jack the Ripper_.

The one big lie that had built a deep chasm between them. One that they never seemed to be able to repair. Regret and hurt made her lie to Ashley but she always had the intention of telling her daughter the truth. The problem was that as she got older, it got harder and harder to not let herself be convinced by her own lie. She had allowed herself to believe that Ashley's father was dead. After all, the John she knew was different from the one that held the title of father. For all intents and purposes, that John was and more memories flashed through her mind, becoming too much, physically hurting her, weighing too much for her body and her heart. Soon she was curled in the corner of the shower, praying that the death of her only child had been nothing but a terrible nightmare. That Ashley would walk back in, that the Mother's Day cards would continue and that she could hold her little girl once again.

* * *

><p>After her shower, Helen was looking at herself in her vanity, looking at the stranger that she had become. She couldn't see herself anymore. Helen was good at wearing masks. She had to be in her line of work and in her life in general. Her livelihood depended on her appearing confident and being able to hold her own in situations that would normally scare her. She had to be that way. She was the head of The Sanctuary network, she was the head of the little team that she had collected. If she appeared weak, then there was no hope of anyone hearing her words when she spoke. It was this mask that allowed her to have the reputation that she had earned, had allowed for the respect of others. As for her personal life-well in some ways she blamed John for the way that she was. John had been her first love and the only man she had ever been in love with. She had had lovers over the years but none of them had made her feel as John had. He understood her and saw her for what she was, flaws and all. The only problem was that in him seeing who she was, she had provided him with the key to her destruction. He, without any reservation, was her biggest weakness. Will had questioned her many times with her behaviour towards John but she didn't think that she had the ability to explain without sounding stupidly corny what he meant to her. The same, on some level, could be said about any of the men who made up The Five. They had been there for the biggest moments in her life. But John, he was a dangerous and different beast altogether. Up until the change in him all those years ago, she saw nothing in him that she didn't love. He respected her as both a woman and as a scientist. When she said that she wanted to do something, he would pave the way for her, not question her. And when he had changed, becoming a stranger to her, it almost killed her. Then she had almost killed him. There weren't many things in her history that she would change but if she had known what would have become of John, the results of his transformation, she never would have let him inject himself. As it was, she could change nothing. She could no more change John then she could Ashley's death. For a woman who could do almost anything else, that was hard to tolerate.<p>

* * *

><p>It happened in rare moment of sleep. Something pulled her from the vivid dreams that she had night after night; mixed up dreams of Ashley and John. She hated leaving those dreams behind. It was a keening, high and painful. Helen slipped from her bed and opened her door, following the sound down the hallway. Wolverine was standing in the hall, outside of James's bedroom door. He saw Helen and a gentle tail wag started, far from the reception she usually received. Whenever one of the team made an appearance, he was usually beside himself with joy, his whole body shaking.<p>

"What's wrong?"

Will had come to stand beside her, the imprint from his pillow still on his face. And then Kate appeared beside him. Soon the whole team were in James's room, where the situation took a far darker turn. She was gone. The room itself showed little interference and it concerned Helen greatly. Wolverine still being here concerned her as well. James would not go anywhere without him and he would attack anyone who tried to hurt her. They were missing something.

"Henry check the camera's and the system for any breaches. Will, what do you see?"

Her eyes remained on Will as he studied the room, his face pulling into a frown.

"It happened recently"

He moved over to the bed, his hands resting lightly on the sheets.

"The bed is still warm. Wolverine didn't have a chance to react. There is nothing broken or missing except James."

Helen shook her head.

"We're not seeing something"

Henry came back into the room, panting.

"There was a brief flicker in the security that lasted approximately 10 seconds. That's why there were no alarms. The security system would assume it was nothing more then a power surge."

"And the camera's?"

Henry said nothing as he pressed a few buttons and bought up the footage. Helen saw nothing at first then there was a blur, door opening and closing with no apparent force and then another blur as the intruder left again.

"Someone took James"

Helen raised her eyebrows.

"And they are more like James then she told us"

In a flash, for a moment she was there again. The place she was when she first lost Ashley, before she had known what had happened to her. The air left the room, the blood hummed in her ears and her heart was no longer part of her body. She was caught in limbo.

"What are we going to do Doc?"

Henry's words pulled her back to the real world and she felt their eyes watching her, waiting for her to have a plan, to have a solution.

"We need to find Marcus."

The team dissolved quickly, each separating to what they did best. Helen headed to her office, seeing nothing but Ashley. For a brief moment she doubted herself. What if they lost James?

* * *

><p>"Marcus Finnegan, 28, leader of the Born Anarchy gang."<p>

Helen frowned at Will.

"That doesn't sound good"

"According to Patrice, they aren't. Turns out that these guys are bad, big time. They have been doing the rounds for the last 15 years and have been tied to everything imaginable."

"I can see why James was so scared of them"

Will nodded slightly.

"I still don't understand why she didn't tell us Marcus was like her"

"I'm not sure, maybe it didn't seem relevant to her"

"Well it is. So what do you we do from here?"

Kate walked in at the moment, a small smile on her face.

"We go and get her. I found out where the gang has been hiding out. So let's go and get our girl"

Helen shook her head, hesitating.

"And find ourselves in what kind of situation?"

Kate frowned at her.

"Doc you can't-"

Helen held up her hand.

"I'm not saying no Kate, I'm saying we need to be careful. If he's an abnormal like James, we need to have a plan."

Kate shook her head and Helen knew she was going to lose this fight. Kate's jaw tightened, her body tensed and the stubbornness came off her in waves. No matter what Helen said, Kate was going to go and get James. Helen chewed on her lip for a moment before nodding.

"Fine, we go in. But I want all precautions taken. Stunners and regular ammo."

Kate nodded before giving Helen a wide smile.

"That's more like it."

* * *

><p>Will had never seen Helen fidget so much. In all the time that he had known her, she had never been like this. Even with a gun in her face, she was calm, scarily stoic. She shifted in her seat again, her gun tight in her hand. Will exchanged a glance with Kate, who frowned and then shrugged. He watched as a car pulled up behind them, calming only when he saw Patrice slip from the vehicle, staying low as he made his way to their van. He slipped silently into the back with Kate. He glanced at her before offering her his hand.<p>

"Patrice."

Kate smiled.

"Kate. Nice to finally meet you"

"Same here. Heard a lot about you"

"All good I hope"

Patrice shrugged.

"Helen doesn't talk about anyone without good reason."

Kate nodded slightly, satisfied that it was good things that he was hearing. She went back to studying the building.

"He's not coming out. If we want to catch him, now's the time."

Helen nodded.

"Let's go then"

Helen led the way, Will, then Kate with Patrice bringing up the rear. Helen moved quickly, weaving through the building with quick, light steps.

"Something's not right"

They all glanced around them. Will's voice was low as he spoke.

"What?"

"No security"

"Guess you don't need it when you're faster then the speed of light"

Helen nodded opening her mouth to comment again when she saw the movement out of the corner of her eye. She stood aiming the gun at the man who seemed to come out of nowhere. Within seconds they were surrounded. She hated being out numbered. She looked from man to man, Patrice, Kate and Will shifting closer until they were back to back, in a tight circle. In a blink, Marcus was in front of Magnus, a small smile on his face.

"Dr. Helen Magnus, we finally meet."

Helen narrowed her eyes at the man.

"You broke into my home"

Marcus shrugged.

"To get back my property. Now we are square. But I fail to see why you are here."

"You have one of my people"

"Oh you mean James? Sorry, she's mine"

Helen felt the anger rise in her chest. She shifted on the balls of her feet.

"She's not yours."

Marcus moved closer.

"Well she's certainly not yours. What use is she to you?"

"She's under Sanctuary protection"

"Which is why you are here"

Marcus raised his gun and pointed it at Helen's head.

"Sorry it was a failed trip"

Helen frowned.

"Kate?"

"Yeah Doc?"

"Remember how you got James?"

She heard Kate chuckle.

"Already there Doc. Will, you got it?"

"Got it"

Helen stunned Marcus first, not even seeing if he hit the ground before turning to the next gang member and then the next. One by one each gang member fell. Helen glanced at Patrice.

"Help me find James. Kate, Will-"

"Bag and tag. Got it"

Patrice and Helen moved side by side as they made their way further down the hall. A strange smell made her pause.

"Is that what I think it is?"

Patrice gave her a short nod and they followed their noses to James. She was sitting in a chair, arms behind her back, ankles tied to the legs of her chair. Her face was covered in blood, her head slumped to her chest.

"James!"

Helen quickly put her gun back into the holster and half ran half slid over to the young girl. She lifted her head gently examining her wounds.

"James, talk to me"

James moaned low in her chest. Helen could see so much blood but no real source. James had already started healing but at a slower rate then she expected.

"James, what did they do to you?"

James's voice was low and jagged.

"They keep pumping weed I into the room. It slows everything down."

James jolted in her seat.

"Where is Marcus?"

"Out for the count, you're safe."

Patrice gently undid James's bindings and lifted her easily in his arms. They headed back to where Will and Kate had bound and gagged the team members. Kate had her gun pointed at Marcus, who was protesting loudly behind the gag.

"Kate, you can't-"

"I know. Tempting though."

Helen studied the members before smiling.

"I know how we can slow these guys down"

Patrice kept a strong hold of James as he watched the rest of the team work. One by one they transferred each gang member to the room where James was being kept. Helen lingered, the last to leave the room. She held her gun level with Marcus's head, her eyes tight.

"You do not come near James again. You do not come near my home or my people. Or I will not be stopping Kate next time. In fact, I'll send her in fully armed. Got it?"

Marcus glared at her for a moment before nodding. Helen gave him a small smile.

"Good. Enjoy your little room"

Helen left, closed and locked the door behind her before following her team out of the building.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter Four - Room For Requirement

Helen was grateful for James's gift. The injuries that were inflicted on her should have meant weeks of rehabilitation or even death but within 48 hours she had very little to show for her ordeal. Once James was in the clear, Helen let herself get angry. She and Patrice sat in her office for a few hours and decided on their next move. This gang had to be stopped and they were the only two with the power to do it. Helen wanted revenge for James but Patrice pointed out that getting this gang off the grid could mean more people being out of harms way. Helen reached out to every single one of her contacts, as did Kate and Patrice. Soon there was a plan in place and even though it didn't mean the end that Helen wanted, it would do just fine.

* * *

><p>The call came two weeks later, sooner then Helen expected. Time and place was arranged and Helen was confident enough to just take Patrice, on the promise that he kept a distance from the actual event. The abandoned rail track in Old Town was creepy normally but tonight Helen was feeling incredibly confident. This plan had no bad sides. All would win, except the gang of course.<p>

"Magnus, how nice to see you"

Marcus looked anything but happy to see her. He looked tired and stressed to be honest. Helen offered him another smile.

"You look tired Marcus. Something wrong?"

"I want my property back"

Helen shrugged.

"I didn't take anything that belonged to you"

Marcus laughed bitterly.

"Yes you did. Give me back James."

"Can't do that sorry. She's not yours. She's not anyone's"

"I need her back"

Helen stepped a little closer.

"You've lost everything, haven't you?"

"I know what you did"

"Well, that's what you get for hurting my people and breaking into my home."

Helen offered Marcus another smile.

"I went on a bit of a search and discovered that your connections had connections which turned out to be mine and my peoples. See you have a reputation built on fear, I have one built on respect."

"So that's how this is going to end? You're going to threaten me?"

"Oh on you are mistaken there. I'm not threatening you, I don't lower myself to that. I am telling you that you need to disappear and leave James alone."

"Or what?"

Helen shrugged.

"People might get angry."

"People?"

Helen's voice was low as she spoke.

"I have connections that you can only dream of, people who are willing to kill to protect me and what I do. Are you willing to take the risk?"

Helen saw the flash of fear come and go quickly over the young man's face.

"Only one option left then"

Marcus moved fast and in a blink of an eye he was in front of Helen, a gun inches from her forehead.

"And what's stopping me from killing you right now?"

Helen pressed forward until she felt the cool metal on her skin. For a brief moment she wondered what death would be like. The peace and the nothingness that could be possible. No more hurt, no more pain or concern. Her recklessness surprised Marcus and he tensed, waiting for the ambush or trick to appear.

"Go on then, kill me. I have nothing left to lose. Do it"

Marcus hesitated before releasing the safety on his gun. There was a sharp crack and suddenly John was there. How he had known what she was up to was anyone's guess but he had obviously seen what she had done when Marcus had threatened her, she could read it on his face. He looked disappointed in her. He grabbed Marcus and in a flash they were both gone. Helen gasped at the dry air, her head spinning a little. She moved slowly out of the railway, waiting for John to come back but he didn't return. She waited for her heart to stop pounding before she went back to where Patrice was waiting for her.

* * *

><p>James was in her office when she got back, looking to all the world as if she hadn't been hurt at all. Wolverine at her side, a position he hadn't left since her return. Helen took her seat behind her desk before offering James a smile.<p>

"To what do I owe this pleasure?"

James looked at Helen before quickly looked down again.

"Patrice told me about you. About Ashley."

Helen flinched at Ashley's name.

"Oh"

"I'm sorry Helen. I pushed him for the information. It's not his fault"

"I know, I don't blame him. You must have known something was going on around here"

"Yeah I did but I was so grateful for everything I didn't want to ruin a good thing. Ashley was lucky to have you as a Mom."

Helen swallowed the tears that she could feel building. And got angry with herself in the process.

"I want to tell you how much I appreciate what you have done for me Helen. You've done more for me then my own mother ever did"

Helen blinked a few times before studying the young girl.

"Sanctuary for all James. You and Wolverine needed help and we answered, simple as that."

"And protected me from Marcus."

Helen shrugged slightly.

"We protect our family here."

James nodded.

"That's what I wanted to talk to you about. Did Patrice tell you about the offer he made me?"

Helen shook her head and waited.

"He offered us a home, me and Wolverine."

"That was generous."

"But I said no"

"Why?"

"I didn't want to hurt you."

"James, don't think about me. What do you want?"

James chewed on her lip.

"A normal life. I want to finish my high school diploma, I want get a boring job and bad wages."

Helen smiled gently.

"Which is what you need to do. Tell Patrice yes."

"But it means leaving here. This is the first home I've had since I was 13, a place where I finally felt I belonged."

"And how does Patrice make you feel?"

"Safe and protected. He's like a Dad"

Helen moved around the desk and knelt beside James, her handing taking hers.

"We will always be here. If you need anything at all, from information to a cup of tea, you come here, you hear me? This door will always be open for you. James, you need to take the chance to have a normal life in both hands. This opportunity doesn't come to all those that live here. This is your chance to make a difference to yourself and the world"

"Patrice needs me too"

"How so?"

James frowned.

"Have you seen the rubbish that man eats? Since his wife died, he doesn't really make an effort. And his house needs a serious woman's touch."

"Which is why you need to go. It's two lives in your hands."

James laughed lightly.

"Well it's only fair that I pay it forward, after all you saved my life."

Helen brushed the hair back from James's face.

"And for a little while there, you saved mine. Go and live James. You deserve it."

James nodded.

"I'm scared"

"I know you are but it's important to push that aside."

"What if I don't make it? What if something goes wrong?"

Helen sighed heavily, choosing her words with care.

"I've known Patrice a long time. Since he joined the police force to be more precise. Did he tell you how we met?"

"No"

Helen smiled slightly.

"He was trying to impress his superiors and he was on a case involving a young girl murdering her entire family. He could see something that others could not. He could see how terrified she was. So when they were alone, he got her to talk. She explained that it had been an accident. She was an abnormal who could set fire to things. She got into an argument with her parents about a party that she wanted to go to. When abnormals are young, their emotions tend to run their gifts. And she got upset and the house burst into flames, engulfing everything"

"Poor girl"

"Patrice didn't believe her at first. Then during the interview, the girl got upset and managed to set the secure room on fire. Then when he finally got off shift, he went to visit her again, he asked her to show him what she could do. She obliged and that finally convinced him. He did some research and found me. He and his late wife became involved in The Sanctuary, helping us locate and help other abnormals."

"Rebecca knew about you too?"

"Yes she did. She was a very brave woman. I don't think she really understood our world but she never questioned Patrice's dedication or belief in us. She saved many lives right along with her husband."

"It was cancer that killed her, wasn't it?"

"Sadly yes. I treated her for a while there but it was incredibly aggressive and was caught too late. The end was quick, which was all we could ask for"

James nodded and shifted in her seat.

"Patrice never told me she was involved as well"

"My point here James is that Patrice is one of the greatest men I have ever known. He's brave and careful, which is a good combination. And, more importantly, he knows what you are."

James's eyes were low, her voice almost a whisper.

"I won't have to hide"

"Not from him. And the great thing is that if there is something that neither of you understand, you have help here. So many abnormals lose everything by the time they get here. Their homes destroyed, murdered at the hands of those that don't understand or families that simply can't cope. They get into bad situations out of desperation and then are judged for it."

"You're trying to tell me, that I'm lucky, right?"

"Very lucky. You have a chance to live a life that they can only dream of, with man who knows the truth. Patrice can take care of you"

"But I can make a difference here as well."

"I know but you have so much catching up to do first. You had to grow up at 13 and leave everything behind. Grow up a little first and then come back to me, I might be able to find you a job"

Helen felt the tears again as James threw her arms around her, holding her tight. This was another farewell that Helen could do without.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter Five - Results Are Pending

Helen asked Henry to put the shields down for the afternoon. She wanted to talk to John, to find out what he did with Marcus. It was late afternoon and Helen was just about to give up when he popped into the room.

"Helen"

She turned and narrowed her eyes at him.

"Did you kill Marcus?"

"You mean the same way he was going to kill you?"

"I don't think he would have-"

"I saw him get ready to pull the trigger Helen. He was going to kill you."

"What did you do with him?"

"I didn't kill him. You don't need to worry about him anymore."

Helen breathed deeply.

"Thank you"

John nodded and frowned at her.

"And what was with your behaviour Helen?"

Helen shrugged.

"Nothing"

"You stepped into his gun, I saw you. Are you really at that point?"

Helen said nothing, shifting under John's gaze. He wasn't judging her, she knew that. He was examining her, waiting for an answer.

"You haven't been sleeping"

"I don't often sleep John, you know that"

He shook his head at her and moved closer, his hand coming up to brush her cheek. Force of habit and lack of trust made her shift away and he dropped his hand.

"This isn't the same as normal Helen. You look like you have been to hell and back. And I would know, I've been there a few times myself"

"Flattery will get you everywhere John"

"You prefer honesty over flattery"

John continued to study her and she shifted under his gaze again. He knew her too well, in every sense and she always felt like he could see right through her.

"She hit a nerve didn't she?"

"Who?"

"This James girl I've heard about."

"No."

John smirked.

"You've never been a good liar. Talk to me Helen"

"Why should I? I can't trust you"

John shrugged.

"Fine I'll talk. It's about Ashley, isn't it? That girl, some part of her, touched you."

Helen flinched.

"You don't know what I'm feeling"

"Yes I do. I'm not made of stone. I feel it too"

Helen felt the anger in her chest.

"You knew _of _Ashley. You have not right to act like a parent now that she's gone"

John's face hardened.

"You never allowed me to be a parent."

"You were dangerous John. You still are. You came into Ashley's life by your own means, not mine. If I had my way-"

"I never would have existed to her."

Helen said nothing, knowing that the truth could not be denied. She had wanted nothing more then protect Ashley and protect herself. She had felt nothing but shame and anger over letting herself be with John, even if it was the John she had known and loved, before he had changed. And her fear had been something that had become a reality when Ashley finally found out.

"She was my daughter, no matter how much you tried to keep me away. I saw myself in her."

"She was nothing like you"

"Yes she was. Before this-"

He indicated to himself and fell silent. Whenever Helen saw John, she wanted to see the man that she fell in love with. She caught glimpses of him, the man before the adnormal took over him. The kindness, the strength, the intelligence making him a force to be reckoned with. John, the one she had once knew, was one of the few people that she had admired.

"I can control it more now Helen"

"I don't think you can."

John smiled softly at her.

"I didn't kill Marcus."

"That proves nothing."

John tilted his head and studied her again with careful eyes.

"You need to talk to someone Helen. Ashley is haunting you"

"I can deal with this"

"No you can't. It's killing you, inch by inch. I can see it. And despite what you think, what you feel, I'm there with you. You deal with it differently but we both still grieve."

"You don't feel what I do. I lost the one person in my life that mattered. I lost her because of what I do"

John's voice was a whisper, something that she would have missed if she hadn't been listening.

"So the truth is finally exposed. You don't blame those monsters that took her, you blame yourself"

Helen took a deep breath, trying to control the pain, trying to control the tears that threatened to come.

"Don't you?"

John's voice was hard and resolved.

"I blame them. Never you."

"Well, you're wrong. If Ashley had been raised in a normal home, in a normal environment-"

"Then she would never had been Ashley."

"She would have been safe."

John shook his head, shifting his feet.

"I get the feeling that she would have found the truth in the end. I saw myself in Ashley but everything else echoed you. She was never meant to be normal. She was too big for normal"

"No, if she had been normal, she never would have-"

"NO!"

John's yell made her jump. He hardly ever raised her voice at her.

"I will not stand here and let you take the blame for Ashley's murder. Helen, you always take the weight of the world on your shoulders, that's part of who you are and part of you wanting to change the world and the people within it. Can you sit here and honestly tell me that Ashley would be blaming you? That she hates you for what happened?"

The tears were falling now, quick and fast down her cheeks, silently burning her skin. She knew what Ashley would think, could almost hear her comments in her head. Ashley would be so annoyed with her, call her feelings ridiculous.

"What does it matter?"

"When it comes to Ashley, it matters. Think Helen. You're the only one who thinks like this. Why? Because you exposed her to your world? To our world? Whatever you think you did wrong, it made Ashley who she was. It made her your daughter. It made her our daughter."

Helen had run out of defences for John's word's. She had run out of everything. She had no more walls, no more will to keep them up anymore. She felt raw and exposed and she wanted nothing more then to curl in a corner and end this pain. The world started to shake, the sobs strangling her. It took her a moment to realize that the shaking was her, the tears blinding her. She closed her eyes and sought for control, for the will to keep fighting the feelings that she hid herself from. She couldn't find it, she couldn't find the barriers anymore.

"It was never meant to be like this. I was going to die long before her, even if I had to force my own hand. I was never meant to bury her, to live without her. I can't breath without her, I can't think and I can't function. It hurts too much. It hurts worse then losing you and that almost killed me too"

When she felt John put his arms around her, she didn't pull away. She pressed her face to his chest, the smell of him sharp and familiar, even after all this time. He pulled her closer still, brushing his lips over the crown of her head. His hands were stroking her back in small circles, his voice low as he whispered words of comfort.

"You could never lose me Helen Magnus. Good or bad, you have me heart and soul forever."

When she had a little more control, she raised her head, meaning to push him away. His eyes caught hers and for a moment, she was back where they started. In a move so slow, giving her a chance to decide, he lowered his head. She closed her eyes and when his lips finally reached hers, it was electric. The kiss was gentle, soft and hesitant. She had forgotten just how much John's touch, when she had her guards down, shocked her. The kiss zipped through her veins, the feeling almost one of pain as it hit her stomach. With no barriers, with the logical part of her brain shut down, she felt nothing but the desperate need for comfort and reassurance as she pressed her lips harder to his. She wanted more. She wanted to feel something other then the pain that had become her life since Ashley's death. She needed to be reminded that she was still alive, that the numbness hadn't taken her over completely. More importantly, she wanted to forget. It only took a few moments for the kiss to move onto something else, to become something that neither of them could turn away from. John tangled his fingers in her hair, pulling her head back sharply. She gasped as he dragged his lips from hers, marking a rough trail from her jaw and down her throat before moving back to her lips, hot and demanding.

"Helen"

Her name was filled with desperation and she felt the rush of memories that came with the feelings that were bubbling hot and insistent inside her. His hands were under her clothes, seeking her flushed skin, her own hands mimicking his movements. Her hands traced the planes of his chest, the muscle and sinew shifting beneath her sensitive finger tips. For the first time in a long time, she released control, letting her more basic needs make the movements and decisions for her. She didn't want to think. His hands were one the bare skin of her hips before he paused, gazing at her, his eyes dark, his breath ragged.

"Do you want me to stop?"

Helen felt the dizzy need, knew that it had consumed her almost entirely. She also knew that if she didn't put a stop to their actions now that there was no turning back. She wondered for a brief moment if this was something else that she would put on her list of regrets, one that was growing longer with each passing day. She remained silent, moving forward instead and pressing her lips and her body against his. She felt his moan vibrate against her body. She pulled away after a long moment.

"Not here"

He nodded and pulled her close. She closed her eyes and in a second they were in her room. The fire was already burning steady and bright, too warm to her already over-heated skin. John kissed her again, his hands pulling at the buttons of her shirt. She was doing the same to him but he stilled her movements with gentle hands on her wrists. He brushed them aside and used his body to steer her to the bed. She lay down and for a moment he over her, his body hovering over hers. He studied her and she felt the fire roar in her veins again. He bent over slightly and was kissing her throat, moving to the hollow and nipping at her skin. She wrapped her arms around him, trying to get closer to him. He kisses moved further down still. She sighed as his fingers played against her ribs and let herself get lost in the moment, in the heat and the unforgotten passion that made her forget who she was. He tugged off her pants, pausing, his careful fingers on her ankle.

"I love this scar."

Helen glanced down, smiling as his fingers traced the small scar that she had on the base of her foot, one that she had had collected when she was thirteen.

"Why?"

"It reminds me that you were once young and stupid."

"It was a piece of glass, that's all"

"Perhaps but unlike all your other scars, it was done outside of the abnormals world."

His fingers sought the small dent of puckered skin just above her hip.

"Like this one"

His hands moved again and her skin burned a constant fire. He found the scar that had faded to almost nothingness on her stomach.

"Or this one. The scar on your foot is the only one that I know of that had nothing to do with abnormals."

"It's a dangerous job."

"I know. I hate the idea of you getting hurt though"

"Too late for that"

He moved back up her body, pausing to rest his lips over her heart, closing his eyes, his head raising and falling rapidly with her laboured breathing.

"Then there are the scars I can't see. I wish you could have that time back. The time you were nothing more then a scientist, the time before you could lose everything."

Helen pulled him from her chest, her hands on either side of his head, pressing her lips to his. After a long moment, she pulled away.

"You caused some of those scars John. I wouldn't be who I am without them"

"But you also wouldn't be hurting"

The conversation was getting too serious, it put too much of an edge to what was meant to be thoughtless action. She didn't want to think about her scars or the ways that the world had inflicted them on her. She didn't want to think at all. She kissed him again, deepening the kiss in the same breath, trying to capture the mood again. One hand drifted down his chest, then to his stomach and lower still, until he gasped against her lips.

"Are we really going to keep talking? Because if we are, I could make a pot of tea. And put my clothes back on"

John growled low in his throat and kissed her again, getting rid of the last of her clothes and his.

"Helen…..I love you"

She knew that he didn't expect and answer, and on any other day, she never would have given one. But in losing Ashley and in this moment, she did love him. Always had. It killed her but she did love him.

"I love you too"

The answer seemed to take John by surprises and he paused to look at her, checking for sincerity. She smiled at him, the face, the man that she had loved for decades. The father of her daughter, the man who had been there when she needed him and there when she hadn't realized that she had needed him. She did love him. She just didn't know what it meant in the long term. Her thoughts dropped away as John kissed her again, his movements becoming more urgent, allowing Helen to forget the world around her.


	6. Chapter 6

_This final chapter is dedicated to Melissa - Thank you for all your feed back. I hope that this story has met your expectations..._

Chapter Six - Redemption

When Helen woke up, it was pitch black outside. Hours had passed and she didn't care. She turned on her side and looked at the sleeping man beside her. She could see more of her John when he was sleeping. With careful fingers, she traced a gently path across his cheek, travelling around his chin and back up his jaw. She studied the gentle shadows that were thrown over his sharp cheeks by his eyelashes. She traced his lips, wondering at the softness beneath her fingers. She moved up and traced his skull, loping back to his ears. She moved down his shoulder, his arm and wrist, coming to rest on his hand. His long fingers were relaxed against hers as she followed the path of veins that rested there. He really was a beautiful man.

"Helen?"

John's voice made her drop his hand in surprise.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to wake you"

"You didn't. Is it my turn?"

Helen closed her eyes and let herself just feel as his hands explored her face before slowly moving down her body, skimming over her stomach and drifting lower. She gasped as he applied pressure, making her heart stop for a moment. She moaned in protest as his hand moved again, pulling her closer with a quick pull on her waist. He pulled her closer still until they were pressed together, skin against skin and his heart beating the same uneven rhythm against hers. She could smell her perfume on his skin, mixing in with his scent, creating a new one that was theirs and theirs alone. They sat like that for a while, in a quiet little bubble where nothing else mattered, not their past, not their future, just this. He leaned forward, and in a move that stole her breath with it's tenderness, he gently kissed her eyelids, her forehead and then the tip of her nose.

"You take my breath away Helen Magnus. You always have"

He didn't give her a chance to answer, moving forward again, his breath mingling with hers as he kissed her. She moved again, trying to get closer still. Her last thought before she lost herself in John again was the incredible freedom that she felt with the release of control. This was something she couldn't control and for the first time in her life, she didn't want it or need it.

* * *

><p>When she woke up, John was gone. As she lay in bed, she knew something had changed. Some part of her had taken on board what John had said and she knew that in some ways he was right. For all his faults, he had never lied to her. She had just been lying to herself, hiding out in her grief. She shifted in the bed, rolling over, her hand finding a sheet of paper on the pillow beside her.<p>

_Helen,_

_I thought that it may be easier with me leaving before you awoke. No regrets however my love. It was a moment, something that we both needed._

_I know that you have trouble believing what we spoke of but I spoke nothing but the truth. Ashley was your life, I understand that. I also understand that she adored you. That she risked her life day in day out to make you proud, to pursue the life that she chose. And that's the point Helen. Ashley could have been anything, had the capability to be anything but she chose to be like you and that was the best thing that she could have ever done. I was comforted that she was so much like you. I am proud that she followed the steps of the most beautiful and intelligent woman I have ever met._

_You are not to blame and you never have been. _

_Yours eternally,_

_John._

Helen was crying by the end but these tears were different. They were cleaner, they were not tears of mourning. She's not sure what had shifted but she could breathe for the first time in a long time. And she had had the best nights sleep with John there then she had had in months.

* * *

><p>She found herself in the old church. She hadn't been here since they had held Ashley's memorial service. Someone had kept the flowers fresh, Ashley's picture in the centre, smiling at her.<p>

"Biggie and Hank visit her all the time."

Kate settled herself beside Helen, her eyes on Ashley. Helen offered her a small smile.

"I'm a woman of science but I can't quite bring myself to believe that Ashley simply does not exist just because she has died."

Kate shifted slightly.

"You know what my father always used to say?"

"What?"

"That whether you believe in science or magic, God had a way of finding you. I never really knew what that meant until he died."

"What do you believe?"

Kate shrugged.

"I'm never sure. I mean, I've seen the dark side of human nature. The hatred, the pain and the cruelty. Then, just before I've made up my mind, I see the kindness and love too. I see people like you, Big-guy, Will and Henry making differences everyday and it makes me wonder if there is something else beyond this. It makes me hope that there is."

"You know Kate, that is rather poetic"

Kate laughed.

"Not really, just an observation. I do believe in redemption though. After all that I have seen in myself and in others, that something that I have learnt really does exist.."

"Good"

Kate shifted in her seat, turning more towards Helen.

"You seem happier today. Brighter."

"Do I?"

"Yes. It can only mean two things when it comes to looking that happy"

Helen cocked her head.

"What?"

Kate shook her head.

"The first one doesn't even count so I'm leaning towards the second."

"You need to give me some definitions here. You've lost me."

"You either know of a new abnormal or…."

Kate let the sentence hang.

"Or?"

"Nah, it's not you"

"What's not me?"

"Ok. Either you got a new abnormal or you got laid."

Helen felt the flush build in her cheeks and creep slowly down her neck. She heard Kate's small gasp.

"John Druitt."

"Kate, I-"

Kate held up her hand.

"You don't need to explain. I get it. Believe it or not, I understand."

Helen frowned at her.

"You do?"

Kate nodded.

"I know your history with John. Or I know some of it anyway. I can kind of see the connection between you when you guys are in the room together. Ashley was your daughter and you are both hurting. You needed comfort."

"Something like that. Please don't mention this to anyone"

"It's not going beyond this. Just be careful, ok? That guy has a serious habit of hurting you."

Helen shook her head.

"This time it was me hurting myself with guilt. He was the one trying to help me to come back again."

"I can see that. He did it"

"How so?"

"You're becoming you again."

"Things have been a little rough, haven't they?"

"To say the least. We've all been worried about you"

"I know and I'm sorry for that"

Kate hesitated before taking Helen's hand, squeezing it gently.

"You have nothing to be sorry for. Grieving is hard and it hurts. I know that from personal experience."

"You know Kate, I have buried so many people in my time. More then I care to think about. I never really paid attention to the process of it all. But this pain…it's all consuming. "

"It heals but much like anything else, it leaves a scar. And sometimes it tears open again and you need to re-heal but it's there. The pain shifts to something else though. The memories that hurt so much now turn to ones that make you smile, that make you even a little bit happy. But you never really forget."

"I don't want to forget. I just don't want to hurt, to get lost in that black hole again"

"And one day you won't. It took a while but I can remember my Dad with a smile now. And not a day goes by that something happens that I wish I could tell him about."

"What's happened today?"

"Nothing yet. But it's still early"

Helen laughed, the sound unfamiliar and strange. It felt good.

"Well knowing this place, you won't have to wait long"

They sat in silence a little longer, a small bubble of peace finding them. Helen couldn't see into the future but she knew that there was something there, something to look forward too.

"So God's in the details then?"

Kate nodded.

"In the smallest ones. You want to know something Doc?"

"What's that?"

"If anyone can get through this, it's you. You're one of the strongest people I have ever met in my life."

"I think the same about you Kate. I'm glad you joined our team."

"So am I"

The silence fell again and the peace was there again, only this time Helen knew where it was coming from. It was something inside her that had stilled and become peaceful.

* * *

><p>A few days later, with her bag packed, the rest of the team decided to throw James a going away party. Helen hid away in her office until Will dragged her from her sanctum. The music was unfamiliar and loud, the food offered even less appealing. She hung out for a couple of hours, only making a move to leave when the Guitar Hero and Singstar were pulled out. Patient as she was, her tolerance didn't extend that far. She slipped from the room, a bowl of chips in one hand, a diet soda in the other, she headed back to her office. Her ears were still ringing as she settled herself behind her desk, taking a deep breath. She would miss James, she knew that without a doubt but she could move forward now - Ashley would have wanted that.<p>

"I thought that the party might be a little too much for you"

John's voice caused Helen a little jolt.

"John, what are you doing here?"

He moved forward, a small smile on his lips.

"I wanted to see you. Kate let the shields down for me"

Helen took a deep breathe and looked down at her desk. She thought that she would have a little more time to process what the other night meant. It didn't seem like an ending but it was too soon for a new beginning. She was still too raw from the pain of Ashley to deal with anymore pain from John. He had more control, she knew that but the logical part of her knew that control could only go so far. If she was going to get involved with him again, it had to be the old John that greeted her, not the one that lived through dubious self control.

"Don't over think it Helen"

"Sorry?"

John moved a little closer, his hands in his pockets.

"This is another reason that I had to leave the other morning. I knew that you would over-think things. Just to be clear, I have no expectations. I knew what it was, I knew it from the moment you let me hold you"

"John, I can't-"

His voice was low as he interrupted her.

"I know Helen. Let's just let it be something on our list of good times, shall we? It's been a while since we added something to it"

Helen finally looked up, her eyes catching his. She offered him a tentative smile, still not sure where they stood. The ground had been uneven beneath them for so long that getting her balance was making her head spin.

"I meant what I said though"

Helen searched through her memories, his words and hers becoming a blur next to the physical actions.

"Which was?"

"That I love you. And that you have me forever. Even if you don't want me, you still have me"

She already knew that it was true. Every time she had called, he had been there, never questioning her. He was just there.

"I meant what I said as well. It's just hard too-"

"I know Helen. Please don't think you have to explain yourself to me. I'm the last person who should be expecting that kindness"

"The last thing I want is to hurt you just because I needed….to feel."

John was now at her desk and he took the seat across from her. Even though the desk was between them, she felt the old tug to get closer, to touch him. She had always noticed the need but had always managed to push it aside, it was never important. But now it was awake and demanding relief. She folded her hands on her lap, not sure that she could control herself not to reach over and take his hand.

"You didn't hurt me Helen. And even if you did, after all the things that I have done to you, I would have deserved it"

"I can't afford to give you the wrong idea, that there is a chance that things will change in the immediate future."

"You didn't Helen. I know what needs to happen"

"But it's not going to happen, is it?"

John shrugged and Helen saw a flash of pain in his eyes. He knew as well as she that if she were to trust him the way she once had, he had to change. And it was a change that could very well kill him.

"Do you ever think about it Helen? About what we could have been if I hadn't become a monster?"

His words brought forth an onslaught of images that were usually reserved for her dreams. Her and John marrying, raising Ashley and being partners in the running of The Sanctuary. Not having to deal with the crippling pain that loneliness sometimes caused. They could have done it all together. He would have allowed her to breathe, to live like a normal person would. She would be allowed to love him without guilt and confusion. She would have never had to lie about who he was to Ashley or anyone else. He simply could have been John, her husband, her lover, her best friend and the father of her daughter.

"Sometimes. But it's pointless thinking like that. We can't change our history. As much as I would like too"

"As would I. I would have given it all up for a lifetime with you. The science, the knowledge and the power. One lifetime with you would have been the most extraordinary experience."

Helen smiled softly, her heartbreaking for what could have been. If they could have only foreseen the consequences for their actions, perhaps things could have been different. Then Helen remembered all that had done, all the lives that had been saved through those actions. She wondered for a moment what the world would be like if she hadn't become what she was, if she didn't lead the life that she did.

"It had to happen John. Look at the differences we made in the world"

"Not me, or Teslar. It was all you, James and Nigel. Teslar and I…well we became more like thorns in your sides, didn't we?"

"Nikola made some difference"

John smiled at her.

"Always too generous for your own good."

John stood and bowed slightly towards her.

"I should go. I'm sure there is plenty that you need to do"

Helen stood also, not sure how to say good bye. What they had done the other night had opened doors and she didn't know how to proceed. It had been a very long time since she had been so unsure of herself or how she was meant to act. She moved on instinct instead, something telling her that they needed to end this the right way. She hesitated before getting closer to John and putting her arms around him. She felt him become tense then relax into the hug, his arms enclosing her. He rested his cheek on her hair and she felt him take a deep breath. She did the same, enjoying the smell of him and loving how neatly she fit into his chest. For now, this would have to do. He pulled away first, her body protesting the coldness that his body left behind. His hands slid down her arms finding hers, grasping then tightly in his warm grip.

"Until next time my beautiful Helen"

He kissed one hand then the other, released them and before she could blink, he was gone. Helen let herself sink to sit in the edge of her desk and took a deep breath. She searched her feelings about her talk with John, finally giving herself a chance to process all that was said. She couldn't find a sour note or a point of uncertainty. She had been right, and in a way John had been right too. They had always been in a dance, sparring with each other and to be honest, her feet were sore and she felt dizzy. This had changed everything. They had finally come not a conclusion but a closing of a chapter. Things were bound to change, move forwards but for the first time in a long time, Helen was looking forward to it. She had hope. She wasn't sure where to invest it yet, but it was there, burning a steady fire in her chest. Helen slipped off her desk and moved to take her seat again. She stretched her arms over her head before cracking open her can of coke. There was so much work to be done today.


End file.
